I found myself holding Sara last night and crying. It hit me that I really am leaving her behind for two months at the end of this one. It hurt. I know it's the right thing, to give her a better life. But I can't help but thinking of all the things I'm going to miss. I'm scared. I'd be lying of I said I wasn't. What if she forgets me? What if when I come back for her she hates me? Thinks I've abandoned her? That I'm never coming back? It's a hard pill to swallow. But this is what needs to be done. I know I can make ends meet on the little bit of child support I get each month, but it's not enough. She deserves better, and there is nothing in my area as far as work in concerned. Barely anything in my state for that matter.
I've been making sure to spend extra time with her. I know it's probably going to slow down the packing process, but right now, I don't care. She's back to sleeping in bed with me every night. I need it, she needs it. Being in the crib next to my bed isn't enough.
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