Single Motherhood and the Long Distance Relationship.

I'm not entirely talking about my baby for once. I've had a couple people in my personal life ask me how I balance having a long distance relationship and being a parent. Where's the time for my boyfriend? It can't be healthy for me to be distracted with a boyfriend who's six hours away while I have a baby. Or it can't be healthy for me to be distracted by a baby while I have a boyfriend six hours away. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty difficult. But it manages to work.

Rules for managing an LDR and a baby.

Rule 1. The day is completely reserved for taking care of baby or my house. Once in awhile there is a day time phone call, but not often. Night time after baby is in bed is the best time to reconnect with a partner hours away. Minimal interruption from the spawn, usually the house is clean so you don't need to stress about that, and a good time to stop and appreciate each-other as much as you can over the phone.

Rule 2.
Web cam! This is almost a must have. It gives you something resembling face time, and if your LDR partner is involved with the baby it's a good way to get the little one used to your partners face. Especially if it's the daddy or the soon to be step-daddy.

Rule 3.
Hire a baby sitter, send baby to gramma, or send baby off to daddy's for the weekend (if this is not the person you're in an LDR with) and go visit for a weekend every couple of months. Completely ignoring actual face time with your partner will kill the relationship.

Rule 4.
Much like being in a regular relationship always use discretion with introducing your partner to the little one. This may be even more important because of the nature of an LDR. As your child gets older they might wonder why mommy's partner is so far away, if they don't like mommy that much (or them) and that's why they don't come around so much. It's tricky.

Rule 5.
Be honest with your partner about their role in your life. Baby comes first, partner comes second, even if they come to visit you. If you find yourself casting aside your kid for your partner then it's time for you to reevaluate things. If it comes down to your visit with your partner and your kid, kid comes first. Always, no exceptions. I don't care how much the bus/plane/train ticket cost.